Dedicated to my 'late' Mother whom I called 'Mak'...

Family pic taken on Eid '04,

Back row from left: Firdaus & wife Rodiah, husband Omar & me,

Front row from left: Najwa, Ayah (Dad), Mak (Mom), Farid

Since I got married almost 4 years ago, I was very curious abt the way I was brought up by my mother. It was because I already started 'trying' and I thought of learning from my mom first, then exploring myself through books and internet.

I remembered when I was in Primary 4, my second brother always went to school with my mom in a car, and the best part, my mom was my brother's class teacher. I never got a chance to be with her in school. I was sent away to Convent Primary School in Kulim and I remembered exactly how pissed I was when I felt like my mom spent less time with me as compared to my brothers. And what I hate most, taking 2 buses to reach my school every morning and my brother would have the comfort inside a car with my dearest mom.

Lesson 1: A child will be happy if mother is around for him/her, thus I will make myself as available as possible at home whenever I am needed...

Secondary School: Mak sent me to boarding school after I made her proud in my SRP exams. Why?...Why?....She said, "I want you to learn to be independent!" I remembered I asked her,"Will my younger brother goes to boarding school too?" She then nodded.
But he never went to boarding school after all. His school was 10 mins away from home and it was a better school than MRSM during that time.

Lesson 2: I will let my child decide his/her study path according to his/her level of interest...

As a result, my SPM was not as good as expected. The day I got my result, I saw my mom cried. Maybe her friends' kids got better results than mine. I was sad too though I knew i suck academically. But God is great, with those results, Mara offered me to study in Boston, a place I never had dreamt to go. I remembered I started to become rebellious when I was a teenager and always talk back when my mom advised me.

lesson3: Fully equip yourself when your kid turns teenager. They might give u heart attack! Bottomline, it is your upbringing that will affect most of his characters until he develops his own...

After a few bad relationships and series of datings, finally I found my partner. Mak was so sad when I first introduced my so called bf, She cried and asking me whether I was sure to stay in Singapore. Among things she said "too far, negeri kafir (secular country), how often can we see each other, will u get a job"..and so much questions and I tell u..I almost crack!...But I am sure, I am now married to him because God has given his permission to.

After 2 years, I finally got pregnant in Ramadhan 2003. I started to feel how difficult carrying a baby on my own...I felt love sick for my mom and pestered to Omar to go back to Kedah as much as we can...

A few secrets revealed when I went back to see my mom.

1. I was not a breastfed baby
2. I was taken care by my granny who told my mom that her breastmilk was no longer fresh so she should give me formula milk.
3. My mom felt bad and depressed after giving birth to me because of the strong traditional confinement method and that affected her milk supply too.

Lesson 4, GOD willing, no mater what, I will breastfeed my baby without any intervention from anyone.

As a result of not consuming breastmilk, my IQ is not as good as my siblings, just kidding?. She only realised the importance of breastfeeding only after she had her 2nd child onwards, I was the eldest.

When I was 6 months into pregnancy, I went back again to kedah to see my mom..I always missed her and talking over the phone was not good enough. She gave me some "oil and barut" for my usage and she apologised to me for not being there with me. She had phobia of high rise apartment and I totally understand. Firdaus got a kid earlier than me and my mom looked after my nephew. Well maybe I have grown up and got real. I actually did not feel jealous of the fact that my own mother will not be with me during my labor. In fact, I told myself, lets be proud for not 'susahkan mak'. And I did it, just the 2 of us for labour and post pregnancy, no interventions...

There were times during my confinement days when I felt panicked and I would quickly called my mom and my mom would scold me..." brocoli angin, sawi putih angin, mee sua angin..everything you choose angin and u cooking it!!! " Adehhhh....Nasib baik I did not get postpartum blues....

She is gone now...

I managed to fly back when she was diagnosed with stroke but her brain got already clogged. I was so sad inside for not being there with her all these years, to listen to her, to drive her around....She was 63 then. 1st Dec 2004, she passed away with a smile on her face. I have to accept that God said its time for her to go.... God is merciful.

Now she is gone and I do really miss her. The fact that she has never been to my home in Singapore made me more sad...

To my beloved mom...May your soul be with GOD....!

Aameen...